in a haze

I'm sitting in Starbucks right now, trying to crank out [what I really mean is: figure out] this Finance report. These reports stress me out like nothing else in this world.

 

It's weird being back in school after a week-long break. I've been in this absolute funk since the end of last semester/beginning of this semester. I thought that it'd disappear during break but unfortunately, I'm still in this funk. Something just isn't feeling right. Nothing is clicking for me and it's completely throwing me off my game.

I can feel that my mood is at an all time low. To be honest, I'm not my chipper self and wallow. There is A LOT of wallowing. Focus is out the window and everything is a complete haze.

 

There isn't a fire lit in me right now. When that alarm goes off in the morning, I just lie there and stare at my ceiling for an extra 15-20 minutes, refusing to get out of bed. When does that ever happen to me? ....never.

 

I'm really hoping things clear up soon and I find my way through all of this haze. I'm absolutely over it.

 

#negativenancy

#myapologies

SPRING.BREAK.

Hey there Spring Break! It doesn't really feel like it, huh? It was snowing two days ago and it's literally freezing out there. You know what though? I'LL TAKE IT.

It won't be much of a Spring Break for me (still have a full-time job here!) but I'll be taking a short 2-day trip. Total spontaneity there.

I may have to work next week but at least there won't be classes! Woo! It's still a much-needed break. I will be spending my evenings with happy hours, crafting, books, stationery, and tons of writing. Most importantly, spending some quality time with my best friends! I could honestly not ask for more.



Life Defining Decade

More and more these days, I feel old. I know, I know. Many of you are probably thinking, "How can you feel old? You are only 21!" Well, let me put things into perspective here. I am actually turning 22 in July but according to the Lunar calendar (Chinese calendar) I am now 23 years old. In my mind, somehow I jumped 2 years ahead overnight. On top of that, my mom, at 21 was already married and I believe pregnant with her second child. Yeah, let that sink in for a moment.

So, in my world, 21/22/23 years old (WHATEVER AGE I AM) is....well, old. There's no beating around the bush on that one. After reading this Levo League article about the lies we tell ourselves about our 20's, I couldn't help but stop and think. Holy moly, our 20s truly is the most important decade of our lives. Like Levo League says, it's a LIFE-DEFINING DECADE. The most change occurs within these 10-years. We graduate from college, get thrown into the real world after spending close to 20 years in school, jump start a career, find love, get married, have kids, feel our way through life and independence, and experience everything else that is thrown our way. SO MUCH. 

I've now lived close to 1/5 of my 20s and hope that I've met my own expectations so far. I actually haven't had time to stop and think about it because the pace of my life is literally go, go, go. It's been a whirlwind. A lot of change has happened within the past 2 years without me even noticing. Most of it is really personal change in the way that I see the world. I'd like to think that I'm an optimistic person and for the most part, I am. However, there is a part of me that has become a lot more guarded. I tend to mask things extremely well, and that just comes with growing up...maybe??

One thing that I do hope to achieve during the next 4/5 of this decade is to slow down. Of course, I want to have a great career, start a family, still be involved with the community, and somehow find a great balance of it all. But, at the root of all things, I want to be able to slow down and appreciate all that the Lord has blessed me with. I want to enjoy things and not be so serious or goal-oriented every single second of my life to the point where I miss the little things. 

This life-defining decade is daunting and filled with uncertainty but you have to step out in faith. At the same time, keep in mind that while laying your foundation and building this so-called legacy is important, you also need to learn to enjoy life.