Life Defining Decade

More and more these days, I feel old. I know, I know. Many of you are probably thinking, "How can you feel old? You are only 21!" Well, let me put things into perspective here. I am actually turning 22 in July but according to the Lunar calendar (Chinese calendar) I am now 23 years old. In my mind, somehow I jumped 2 years ahead overnight. On top of that, my mom, at 21 was already married and I believe pregnant with her second child. Yeah, let that sink in for a moment.

So, in my world, 21/22/23 years old (WHATEVER AGE I AM) is....well, old. There's no beating around the bush on that one. After reading this Levo League article about the lies we tell ourselves about our 20's, I couldn't help but stop and think. Holy moly, our 20s truly is the most important decade of our lives. Like Levo League says, it's a LIFE-DEFINING DECADE. The most change occurs within these 10-years. We graduate from college, get thrown into the real world after spending close to 20 years in school, jump start a career, find love, get married, have kids, feel our way through life and independence, and experience everything else that is thrown our way. SO MUCH. 

I've now lived close to 1/5 of my 20s and hope that I've met my own expectations so far. I actually haven't had time to stop and think about it because the pace of my life is literally go, go, go. It's been a whirlwind. A lot of change has happened within the past 2 years without me even noticing. Most of it is really personal change in the way that I see the world. I'd like to think that I'm an optimistic person and for the most part, I am. However, there is a part of me that has become a lot more guarded. I tend to mask things extremely well, and that just comes with growing up...maybe??

One thing that I do hope to achieve during the next 4/5 of this decade is to slow down. Of course, I want to have a great career, start a family, still be involved with the community, and somehow find a great balance of it all. But, at the root of all things, I want to be able to slow down and appreciate all that the Lord has blessed me with. I want to enjoy things and not be so serious or goal-oriented every single second of my life to the point where I miss the little things. 

This life-defining decade is daunting and filled with uncertainty but you have to step out in faith. At the same time, keep in mind that while laying your foundation and building this so-called legacy is important, you also need to learn to enjoy life. 

End of the Week Thoughts

Thoughts:

*i'm in love with babies and would nothing more than to have children right about now

*why do i feel so down lately?

*maybe my parents are right, i should get married ASAP

*what on earth am i doing with my life?

*i think i'm slowly inching towards being an introvert ever since i started college

*i miss my best friends

*i'm absolutely terrified of the future

I've been in such a weird funk of a mood (as I'd like to put it) lately. My mind is moving at about a thousand miles per hour in about a million different directions. At the same time though, something isn't clicking. 

To Plan or Not to Plan

Last night, I finally got the chance to sit down with one of my great guy friends at American University. He and I both have had insanely crazy semesters that have caused us to put hang-outs on hold for awhile. While I give him a hard time constantly, he truly is a great friend of mine who I tell almost everything. There are things that I tell him that I don't tell others. He's just incredibly straight forward and will call me out when I get into this ridiculous mentality.

He has had some awesome opportunities this semester (rockstar, this kid) so one of my questions during dinner was: What are some life lessons that you've gained?

Let me tell you, the number of things he listed off can be put in a book. One thing he said that stuck with me was, "Don't just do what you think fits the 'model' of your perfect life."

As I've said before, I'm the "Type-A planner type of gal." And, this friend of mine knows it and gives me a tough time for it always! The more I move forward in life the more this rings true. It is nearly impossible for a person to plan out every single aspect of his or her life. I can't do it. You can't do it. Nobody can do it. There will always be something out of your control. Planning EVERYTHING can be dangerous. Typically, at the end of the road is nothing but disappointment. Trust me, I've been there one too many times.

After dinner last night, I actually had to pause and think about where I am currently. You can say that a lot of things are going my way right now but at the same time, I can't keep going down this road where I force things to fit into this model of a life of mine (i.e. dating, relationships, marriage, career, family). While it's smart to plan the general direction of where you want to go, you really can't
micromanage every aspect.

One of my resolutions for 2013: Let go. Step out of your comfort zone.

Let's Catch Up

Hey y'all!

It has definitely been a bit of time since I last posted. SO much has happened in the past couple of months. I'm not entirely sure where to begin?

Biggest life updates: I finished my second to last semester as an undergrad and I have officially started full-time work as of this past Tuesday morning. Yes, you read that right-- FULL TIME JOB. Now you may be thinking, "Full-time job? Are you graduating?" Oh no, I am still graduating on time in May 2013. (If I weren't, I think my mother would have a heart attack and refuse to continue paying for my education past May 2013.) Starting January 14th, I will be tackling my final semester at American University with a full-time student course load as well as working full-time as a marketing coordinator with a FABULOUS company.

How would I sum up this past semester? DIFFICULT. Walking into this semester, I had this notion that I was going to take things easy and actually enjoy life. Who was I fooling?? I ended up interning, taking a leadership role in Alpha Kappa Psi, aiming for that 4.0 in school, while trying to throw in a little bit of personal life fun. While I think I hit every aspect that I wanted to, it came with extreme exhaustion. There were plenty of nights where I would get home around midnight after a long day and want to throw in the towel and quit. Learning to balance all of this brought frustration yet it brought such JOY. Crazy, right? I've had so many great laughs, experiences, new friends, and opportunities come out of one hectic semester. I can honestly say that I don't regret any of it.

Most importantly, I came out of this semester with a full-time job waiting for me. No more post-grad stress! WOO! I feel incredibly blessed for this opportunity. I love the position, I love the people I work with, and most importantly I love the fact that I get to do what I love to do most.

There is no doubt that next semester is going to be ridiculous--more tears and more frustration and more exhaustion. But, I have an incredible community of people here supporting me constantly. The last thing that I'd want to do is disappoint any of them. I know deep down that the experiences that I will come across will top all of the tears, frustration, and exhaustion.

There are no words to describe my excitement for finishing up my undergraduate career at American University and taking the first true step in my real work career.

Here's to the future!

Pinterest Wednesday

Is it a bit shocking that in the past week, I haven't really been on Pinterest? Usually, I'm the Pinterest Queen who pins away. This past week has been a bit busy so, my apologies for the lack of pins. However, I did pin a few random little things this week. Mostly words of inspiration to get me going.

via

Anyone else have this problem?

via

How awesome is this?

via

I'm very grateful to be surrounded by incredible women who set the example for me.

Following me on Pinterest yet?

I'd also like to take a moment and wish my Little cMm a HAPPY 21ST BIRTHDAY! Oh how they grow up so fast!!! She is one fabulous lady who brings such joy to my life and is ALWAYS there for me. I'm beyond stoked to be reunited tonight, hit the town, and celebrate her life! HAPPY BIRTHDAY CLAIRE!



No Regrets, No Missed Opportunities

Currently, I'm enjoying my last couple of weeks in China at my grandparents in Fuzhou. It's weird being away from Beijing, being away from the two week study trip. I realized this morning that I am officially a senior in college. It hit me and I had a minor panic attack but am now letting this scary thought fully sink into my brain. Where has time gone? When did this all happen?

Being away from Beijing and the entire study abroad experience for a few days now, I've been processing a little bit--thinking about all that I've learned and seen. I smile the most thinking about all the conversations that I had with my friend Madison. We met way back on the first day in January when we both arrived at Peking University and instantly clicked. Throughout the semester we got to know one another more and more but I think we truly grew close during the two week study trip.

This girl and I had many, many heart-to-hearts about almost everything: school, internships, faith, futures, family, boys, life, and anything in between. We had this saying: No Regrets, No Missed Opportunities. I'd like to think that I have lived the past 20 years of my life without any regrets. I truly believe that I haven't and I pray that I continue to live without having any regrets. When I'm old and probably sitting next to Madison again, I want to be able to look her and anybody else and tell them that I've lived my life to the fullest. NO REGRETS.

It's hard though sometimes to make that one tough decision, knowing that you'll have to live with it for the rest of your life. But honestly, don't rush the decision. Give yourself time to sit quietly and think through options. As cheesy as it may sound, follow what your gut tells you. It's true when they say that your gut doesn't lie. Lastly, don't let others make a decision for you because when you let that happen, that's when the regrets start creeping in. Do things for YOU, not for anybody else.

After hugging Madison goodbye in Guangzhou, through tears we choked out: No Regrets, No Missed Opportunities. At the airport, I was surfing through Twitter and came across the most perfect Jane Fonda quote:

It's never too late - never too late to start over, never too late to be happy

Truth be told, a few months ago I was feeling stuck. Not completely sure what I was doing with my life and where I was headed. Remember that mid mid-life crisis? It hit me though. I'm 20 years old. My life is just beginning. I shouldn't feel stuck. This is the time in my life where I am the most free! No obligations. I can do whatever I want. Chase after those opportunities! Chase after those dreams! Like Jane Fonda says, it's NEVER too late! Make those changes. Create that new beginning for yourself. 

Closing the Book on a Chapter of My Life

A few weeks ago, we said goodbye to One Tree Hill. Y'all are probably thinking: Is this girl really blogging about One Tree Hill? Yes, yes I am. The show was so much more than a teen television show. It may have started out that way but through the years, it morphed into something we couldn't even have imagined when the show first premiered. It's a story about family, friendship, love, and growing up. But more importantly, it was a story about grace, belief, dreams, forgiveness, hope, and redemption.

I can't believe that after nine years, this show has come to an end. Within the past nine years, I've grown to love each and every one of these characters. As Peyton, Haley, Brooke, Nathan, and Lucas changed through the years, I did too. It was sad to see the show end, but it brought me to a reality. I have to close the book on this one chapter of my life and begin writing the next chapter.

My teenage years are officially over. In a few months, I will be twenty-one years old. Terrifying thought, right? As much as I want to hold onto the life of being a teenager, it's time to let go. If One Tree Hill taught me anything, it's the lesson that as happy as you think you are now, things change. People change, circumstances change. You're not always going to love high school or college. We're meant to keep moving through these different chapters of life.

I've seen the characters on the show change so much. From high school, to post college graduation, to adulthood. Life doesn't promise to be an easy road for you to breeze by. I truly don't think it's meant to be. Only through challenges will we become stronger and better.

I'm terrified of the future. I know that there are tough times to come, but I'm ready for that. With challenges will growth come. At the same time, I'm not afraid to dream big. Dreams are what push us to become better.

The series finale of One Tree Hill was so much more than what I could have ever asked for. We saw who each of them were nine years ago and who they are now. Gavin DeGraw even came on the show and performed. Needless to say, my heart melted into a big puddle of sappiness. My favorite part was the ending voiceover where each of the characters pitched in.

via

So yes, I did blog about One Tree Hill. There may be more posts to come about the show. I don't know. But what I do want to leave y'all with is that, don't let your fears hold you back. Fear is normal but that should only light that desire even more. No matter how bad the circumstances may be, it's never the end. Never lose hope.