That is the number of days that stands between me and the start of my spring semester in Beijing. So many people have said, "You must be excited!" or "That's so exciting!" Studying abroad is definitely exciting but for some reason, I just can't seem to hype myself up. I am drowning in anxiety and fear at this moment. It's not so much the idea of studying abroad that makes me anxious but instead, it is the idea of being away from my family and friends. In the past 20 years of my life, I have established this "home base"--a group of people who I go to whenever I need support. To be separated from my home base by thousands of miles and a twelve hour time difference is a little nerve-wrecking to say the least. What if something were to happen? It would take my parents at least 13 hours to get to me. Scary, right? Who am I going to go to for emotional support when I need it the most? I am a total homebody and get homesick easily. Take for example my freshman year of college. Even though campus is only 30 minutes from my home, I still got homesick and went home all the time (even during the middle of the week). How will I deal with feelings of homesick-ness??
You all must think I'm crazy. I know, I know. I simply need to let go of these fears and push aside these feelings of anxiety. While at Passion 2012, someone had said, "You can't let your fears cripple you from something amazing." How awesome is that? Studying abroad is a once in a lifetime opportunity. I am so blessed to have this chance to study in a different part of the world and to experience new things. Once I'm in Beijing, I know that these anxieties will leave my mind and I will have the time of my life. For now, I will just say my goodbyes (which I am awful at) and put on my big girl pants and be on my way.
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